Flower beds and farming don't mix

Before I get started I know people are saying that farmers can have beautiful flower beds. I know that, and it is not my point at all

When I was younger I would tell funny stories without regard for certain conditions and circumstances. For instance I described the setting as I went to a barbeque with a case of beer, only to discover that everyone else was in AA. It got worse from there.

While the story was true, and funny, I started to describe the surroundings - like flower beds inside tractor tires that were painted white. I should have stopped at the beer and AA part.

After a description of corn growing right outside the back door, and the location of the old outhouse, I heard a woman say "You just described my yard."

Oh my, I thought. Guess I'll leave out the part about the chickens and the hog on the couch in the living room.

These days I am more sensitive and less critical. For instance, Nancy and I planted a few flats of flowers in the spring. I thought the bottom row of flowers on the hill were just a little close to the road. A few years ago I would have said something like "we might need some white painted tractor tires to keep them from getting run over." Today I am much more mature and intelligent.

Sure enough, when we looked at the flowers the next day, that bottom row was squashed down like a Taliban supporter in the oval office. And a tractor tire went right up the middle of the destruction.

You might be a redneck if you haul your own trailer right through your wife's flower beds. But you sound so mature and sensitive if you say "I'm sure that wasn't done on purpose." This was coming from a guy that once hauled old recliners to the curb on trash night and rednecks were setting fire to them faster than I could drag them to the curb.

I am a positive thinker. A few weeks later Nancy was weeding and pulling grass from the same, although slightly more shallow, flower beds. I was helpful.

I said "why don't you throw those weeds down by the road where those flowers were and somebody will come along and run over them too." I must ask the question - what's wrong with that? Sounded logical to me. I guess it wasn't as funny to her as it was to me.

It's kinda like when you are walking your dog and it accidently makes a deposit in front of the church. When the pastor comes out with an empty WalMart bag and calls you "son" it doesn't take much to figure out what you are going to be doing next.

Yes - there is a big difference between dumb and stupid, funny and not funny, and something that might be funny later - but maybe not right now.

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